Weredevil — Chapter Four

by Arnold Snyder


Summer vacation would end in a month and the thought of going back to school was distressing. I hated school anyway, but now, knowing I wasn’t even human made it seem even more of a waste of my time. It seemed crazy that I was going to a Catholic school, where the nuns talked about God every day.

One morning after Mom had gone to work I cornered my sister Lola to get her perspective on this whole thing. She was sitting in front of the vanity mirror in her bedroom putting on makeup and brushing her hair. She was in her bra and panties and sometimes she complained when I walked in on her like that, but sometimes she didn’t. Sometimes she purposely tried to tease me, like she would cock a hip and pretend to start pulling her panties down. Sometimes she got my dick hard, but I never told her that. I usually felt embarrassed about it and I’d just walk out of her room.

“What’s it like to be a snake?” I said, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

“You’ll learn soon enough.”

“C’mon, Lola, tell me something about it.”

“It’s way better than being human.”


“You’ll just have to do it to see. I can’t explain it.”

“Why are you putting on black lipstick?”

“Just trying it.”

Lola’s room was all shades of pink—the curtains, bedspread, pillows, window trim—so girlish. Her bra was white and lacy, but her panties were pink. The black lipstick clashed with the whole scene.

“Mom’ll have a fit,” I said.

“If she sees it.”

Buttons, her cat, a twelve-year-old tabby she’d gotten as a kitten when she turned two, was curled up beside me on the bedspread. Buttons didn’t do much but sleep anymore.

“What can we do about God?” I said, starting to scratch the back of Buttons’ neck, which he loved.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s so fucked up.”

“Don’t let Dad hear you talk like that.”

“But what can we do?”

“Uncle Luke’s working on a plan.”

“What kind of plan?”

“I don’t know, but he is.”

“How do you know?”

“Mom told me.”

“But doesn’t God know everything?’

“He does, but he’s too lazy to pay attention. Mom says he thinks he’s a multitasking genius because of all the systems he has in operation, but he has the same flaw as all the beings he created: He’s risen to his level of incompetence.”

“That’s what Mom says?”


I wondered if she could tell by my reflection in her vanity mirror that I was staring at her ass. Her satiny pink bikini panties were stuck in her crack and my dick was getting hard.

Again. I generally chastised myself mentally for getting turned on by my own sister, but now I wondered if it was because I was a devil. Maybe devils can’t help but do bad things. Maybe bad things are good.

“So what are we doing here?” I said.

“We’re making the best of it.”

“What do you mean?”

She blotted her black lips on a Kleenex. “Earth isn’t Hell, Sebastian,” she said. “It’s way better than Hell. You don’t have to take my word for it. You’ll find out soon enough. We can have hope here. That’s why God created Earth. He wanted a place where people could have a taste of pleasure, a glimpse of beauty and hope for the future. That makes it more enjoyable for God when he tells people they failed and they’re going to suffer in Hell for eternity.”

“Did Mom say that?”

“Dad told me that.”

“But how could this happen, Lo? God’s the worst person in the whole universe and he’s the one in charge. It’s not fair.”

“Have you looked at the people on Earth, Sebastian? Some of the humans are just like God. The really creepy ones are in charge. But Uncle Luke’s working on a plan.”

“What kind of plan?”

“He won’t tell Mom. He says it’s not ready yet. But he’s so smart. He got us this far. We’re out of Hell and here on Earth and raising families. This may just be a dreadful planet in one of God’s abandoned galaxies, but Mom said her and Dad never thought they’d get out of Hell, but Uncle Luke got ’em out.”

“Yeah, temporarily.”

“It’s not temporary, not for Mom and Dad, only for us. But even if we always have to go back, we know now there are ways to get out and Uncle Luke won’t abandon us.”

“But why do we have to go back to Hell and they don’t?”

“I don’t know. Mom wouldn’t tell me why.” She started brushing a violet shade of color onto her eyelids.

She had to know I was staring at her ass and she was just letting me do it. My dick was in full wood mode and I wasn’t trying to stop it. “Tell me about turning into a snake,” I said.

“I’m not allowed. But I’ll tell you one secret. You can’t tell Mom or Dad.”




She looked around, as if expecting to see someone hidden in some corner of her room and listening. Lola loved drama. Then she said, barely above a whisper, “You’re going to get a taste of Hell soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“That’s all I can tell you.”

“No fair.”

She looked around again, like she had decided to tell me more. Then she said, even quieter than before, “Uncle Luke has a special plan for you.” She smiled at me through her reflection in the mirror.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, but that’s what Mom said. She wouldn’t tell me what it was.”

I was going to complain, but I knew it would do no good. I was going to make some kind of snarky remark about how weird her mouth looked, but instead I said, “You look good in black lipstick.”

Once more, a smile lit up her face, an affectionate smile intended for me. “Thank you,” she said, wiggling her ass for me on her pink velvet vanity stool. “Do you think Brett will like it?”

I was going to comment on her ass wiggle, but stopped myself and said, “Brett across the street? He’s too old for you.”

“Yes, but he likes me. He always looks at me.”

“But he’s not a devil.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Is he?”

“I’m not saying. After you turn into a snake, we can talk about more stuff.”

“I’m so tired of waiting. I wish it would just happen.”

She stood up suddenly, finally pleased with her face, which was kind of ghoulish and kind of sexy. I couldn’t help but notice how deep in her butt crack her panties were. She turned to face me. The pink satin was drawn almost as tight in front as well. She hooked a finger into the side band and stretched the elastic an inch from her hip. What a tease. Whoever gets to be her boyfriend is going to be a lucky stiff. Pun intended. “I have to get dressed now,” she said. “May I have some privacy?”

I rolled off her bed sideways, so as not to display my tumescence, and exited her room quickly. I had no real desire to get physical with Lola, and I also knew she would clobber the shit out of me if I tried.

Go to Chapter Five . . .

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