by Arnold Snyder
I rewound time to that night I sat in Dave’s coffee shop when I first saw Lulu waiting in line for coffee. When I first saw her mouth, her red, red lips. I remembered thinking she was homeless. I liked her legs.
Then there was the commotion in the line of customers waiting to be served.
The blue and white bicycle dudes were arguing, shoving.
“I ain’t got it, asshole!”
“You had it, fucker!”
Then that crazy bag lady was on the floor on her hands and knees.
No one was helping her.
I picked up her sunglasses and brought them to her, offered my hand.
I helped her to her feet.
“I know you don’t want to talk to me,” she said.
I held out her glasses to her but said nothing.
She smelled overwhelmingly like patchouli oil.
“You don’t want to talk to me but you’re the only one who came to help me, and I appreciate that.” She took her glasses from my hand. “May I sit down with you?”
“I do want to talk to you,” I said. “I’ve been waiting for you, Lulu.”
“How do you know my name?”
“This isn’t a chance encounter. I came here specifically to meet you.”
“But nobody knew I was coming here. Who are you?”
“C’mon, let’s sit down.” I walked her over to my table and pulled a chair out for her. A perfect gentleman. “I’m just delivering a message, Lulu. You’ve been chosen.”
“To be the Messiah.”
“To save mankind. To rule the Universe. You have the power to perform miracles. It’s your turn to be God.”
“Would you like some coffee? Or maybe some tea? They have green tea here.”
“What do you mean my turn?”
“Everybody gets a turn. Now it’s yours.”
“I don’t get what you mean …”
“It’s about miracles. You can do whatever you want to fix the world. If you want, you can trash it and start over from scratch. It’s your call. You’re God.”
“Okay, I’ll have a cup of tea. Oh, man, I am so stoned. Did you know I took acid this afternoon? First time. Are you a real person or am I hallucinating?”
“Have a sip of your tea,” I said.
There was a cup of green tea in front of her.
“How did that get there?” she asked.
“You wanted it there,” I said. “And I’m real and this is really happening. I’m here to inform you that you’re omnipotent. You’re the Creator.”
She looked at her sunglasses in her hand, then put them on. “I ate some mushrooms once and that was weird,” she said. “I threw up like five times, then everything sparkled and even the air was shimmering. But this is way crazier than that. What did you say your name was?”
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